Seven years ago I moved home and became a single Mom. My friend Chrissy dragged me to a party one weekend. Well not really dragged… I was excited to get out… anywhere.Her friend Mark and his roommates, a married couple, were having a party at their house in Friendship Heights. The three hosts were dressed in sheets, they said it was supposed to be a toga party and realized they must have forgotten to tell people. They were the only ones in togas and could have easily walked upstairs and changed but they seemed to prefer their togas.
I don’t know how it got started but I ended up in a burping contest on the front porch with the hostess, who was in toga. As we were belching our hearts out a crowd grew and I noticed two things. First, burping has become more difficult for me due to age or just being out of practice. Second, the dude sitting on the porch swing at about eye level with my chest… staring intently at my chest as I would heave to produce my burps.
The hostess realized she had met her match and was unable to surpass my talent. She expressed how impressed she was and requested a photo of us together to document her demise. The dude sitting on the porch swing asked for my number. How could I refuse? He just heard (and watched) me do the most un-lady like thing a woman could do and asked for my number. So I obliged.
The dude and I spoke maybe all of twice on the phone. I learned that he wrote for a travel magazine, yet never traveled. I found that very odd but was afraid to ask. It didn't take long to realize what a meek man he was. The best I can figure is maybe he thought I could provide some fun and excitement in his life. What better woman to do that than the one who won the belching contest.
Yeah… Ummmm… I don’t think so.
Belching is so ho-hum. Farting at will, on the other hand, is the true measure of a man's (or woman's) worth.
ReplyDeleteThe trick is to not accidentally poop in your shorts while doing so.
my belches rock the house. unfortunately, my husband is not impressed....lol
ReplyDeleteSadly, gone are the days, when the winner of a belching contest could take home and bed the person of their choosing. It was like the age old combat for a mate. A simpler and a better time for sure.
ReplyDeleteLugi: I leave the farting to Mini Red.
ReplyDeleteWebMiztris: Yeah the dudes normally don't dig the belching of chicks. This is why I stopped until my marriage started going south. I used everything I could to keep him away.
Uncle Keith: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! There was no bedding of that meek man! I do have standards, hence my celibacy for this ungodly length of time.
I think burping chicks rule! And I've seen Revenge of the Nerds so many times that I can just hear that Booger belch from seeing that picture.
ReplyDeleteI do my best belching immediately after a giant swig of a carbonated beverage, like Diet Coke or something. My co-workers love that, if by "love" you mean "hate."
ReplyDeleteJC: Yeah I know right! I can hear it too!
ReplyDeleteDennis: Yeah Baby! No carbonation necessary for this chick to explode some real belching. The only one that ever hears me belch is Mini Red and I usually get a "Good one Mom!"
*LMAO* Girl, you never cease to amaze me! So awesome that you're not afraid to belch in public!
ReplyDeleteYou're 38 and you're proud of this? How disgusting.
ReplyDeleteTish: Oh I was suprised I did that! This is not something I have done in a long time.
ReplyDeleteAnon: Never said I was proud of it. Last time i did that was 7 years ago and I was suprised and somewhat mortified I did it then. It one of those things you figure out you can do back in high school.