June 12, 2006

Purging What Plagues Me

Since even before my past year of blogging I have enjoyed reading others blogs. It seems so many are sad, and they are usually brought across in a very eloquent way.

I've never wanted my blog to be sad. My nature is to take something that bothers me and bring it across in a funny way. I believe that everyone needs to vent, or rather purge the shit that plagues them. The problem is... to purge you need someone to hear it or it doesn't seem to do any good. Maybe we need someone to hear it because we want them to take it from us because they may be able to deal with it better? Is this the reasoning behind Catholics confessing their sins to a priest? I once heard a priest say that confessing to a priest is like a Scapegoat. The priest is the goat, which is rationalized by putting your sins on the goat and sending it, along with our sins, out into the desert to die with/for your sins as Jesus did.

I believe in making it funny so the lucky person on the receiving end of my purging could at least laugh. It's then that I realize it's rather funny and what the hell was I worried about in the first place.

So I am using my blog to purge what is plaguing me.

Red is not a happy camper lately. This weekend Mini Red was at her Dad's. I had happy hour with co-workers Friday night. The rest of the weekend… nothing. I just don't know what to do with myself. Most of my friends have small children. My friends at work often forget about me since I usually have Mini Red. Or in one case a friend at work was told she might not want to hang out with me because I might hinder her chances of meeting a guy. I have a hard time always reminding them when I am free and really don't want to be a pain or I guess a fifth wheel would best describe it. One friend did tell me he doesn't usually ask me because he doesn't want me to feel left out since I usually can't go.

I would love to meet a dude and have someone to spend time with but where the hell do you meet people? I could go shopping but I just spend money and there aren't any eligible bachelors shopping. One of my older friendships is failing. She never invites me over and I avoid calling her. The last time I spoke with her she told me all about what is going on in her life and said, "Well maybe I will have a chance to hear about you some other time. I have to go. Bye". Wow! And she wonders why we don't talk as much. I have another friend who says to feel free to vent with her because she does with me and is always asking us to come by. I often feel like such a mooch (her and her husband cook for Mini Red and I), plus I'm not going to meet anyone sitting on her couch. She tells me I'm not going to meet anyone sitting on my couch either so I should just come over. I've considered doing match.com again but there aren't many that interest me and I already attempted to contact a small portion of them when I was on there a year ago.

So as Mini Red grows older and I have more and more time on my hands. I am at a loss. I have always been a wife or a mother and now I'm trying to find interests of my own or people to hang out with. Where do I even begin to search?

Well, I'm off to purchase a bicycle. If anything else I can bike the paths in my free time and share them with Mini Red.