A Drunken Dialing Slut

I am so tired today. I got to bed at a reasonable 11pm last night. I was snug in my bed when my cell rang just before 2am. WTF?!?! I looked to see who was calling and it was SLUT. Is he nuts? I’m not answering, so I side buttoned him. As I was drifting back to sleep all snuggled in my bed the phone rang again! He’s drunk dialing and I’m gonna kill him tomorrow.

SLUT got his name because his first name begins with an S and his last name begins with LUD. Our company emails used to be our first initial and last name so we started calling him SLUD, which quickly became SLUT. He likes it like that and encourages people to call him that.

I sent him a text message asking him if he was drunk dialing last night and forgot the time difference (he’s in CA). Ends up he’s in Seattle and was hanging with TT last night drinking and they had a list of people they were calling. TT stopped drinking at some point but kept ordering drinks and gave his to Slut along with the drinks he was already ordering himself. After a few text messages this morning Slut called and said he was still hammered. He can’t remember if he even slept last night but lost time somewhere therefore missing his flight. I asked if TT was ok to which he replied, “He’s fine. Asians can hold there alcohol.”

Since he missed his flight the only other flight was to Fresno and then renting a car to drive to Bakersfield. On top of that he’s being auctioned off at a charity event* that begins at 5:30. It was gonna be close because at some point in his travels he needs to detox. I can see it now…Slut strutting his stuff on stage sweating out his alcohol from the night before. Can you say smelly? If anyone can pull it off Slut can.

At work this morning Shortie told me her phone was ringing around 3am, YDH got a message from Slut sometime in the middle of the night. On top of that Susie came in the office today, after being MIA for several months, and she found a test message received from Slut sometime in the middle of the night.

I guess I’m on the list now, eh?

* Slut sold for $550 at the auction