November 14, 2006

What's in a word when the word is Love

I was seventeen and I had been dating my first boyfriend for a few months when one night we were sitting in his car outside my house.

Then he said it… "I Love You".

What did I say in return??? "Oh… That's nice."

To say I love you to someone is HUGE but so many seem to use it as a boomerang. They need to hear it so bad that they throw it out there for it to come back. I never did use the word love with that boy and we broke up soon after.

When I was 19 I met my ex and he said "I Love You" within the first week. I didn't feel it but said it back for fear of losing him. What can I say… I was young and stupid. We married and "I Love You" was said all the time but it became more of an obligation than a reflection of our feelings. Every time we got off the phone we would say "I Love You" more out of habit than anything else.

Since leaving my ex I have not used this word with any man. Mini Red hears it all the time but I don't say it to just say it but I express it to her. I do my best to express how much I love her every night before she goes to sleep. I use it with my family but sparingly because we know we love each other and that is just how the fam has always been. When my Mom says it to me she knows I need it.

I have some great friends but only a few I used the L word with. We tell each other when we know the other one needs it and it isn't flaunted around because that would just be odd.

Today was a dreary, tiring day and the drive home was torturous but it's my one night to meet up with Mrs. M and run. We have committed ourselves and want to cancel every week but we don't want to let the other down so we haven't missed one yet. Our runs have gotten so much better and it's a great time for us to get together because women need their friendships as well as exercise.

So after another great run with Mrs. M I get in my car to find a message from Ra. We have both been busy so we've been missing each other. She left me a message and ended it with an "I Love Ya". That was amazing! It may have been a tiring, dreary day but she didn't know that and it wasn't particularly tumultuous BUT I so needed that. If it was said all the time then it wouldn't have meant as much as it did when I heard it tonight.