The Latin Match

Sometime ago I agreed to meet Arnold, from Match, for lunch before he leaves for his two week vacation. He has defined himself as the Virginia Latin Lawyer on Match. I get the impression from his emails the his English leaves a bit to be desired. He tells me he does immigration law which explains, at least in my mind, why his English needs some work. I have given him directions to my general location at work. He tells me he has parked and I realize it is about 5 blocks away. So I hike up there and meet him... He gives me a hug and attempts to kiss me. I have only had limited emails with this person and didn't feel a hug, or anything else for that matter, are in order. But I am going with the flow and at least am able to thwart the kiss. We end up at a Latin restaurant and on purpose I sit with the mirror to my back I didn't want to be looking at myself throughout lunch. Well Arnold seemed to enjoy staring at himself all through lunch. He talks about his money and and all of his different investments and I can't get a word in edgewise. My ADD kicks in and I think he doesn't look like the lawyer type. Plus I never knew a lawyer to wear jeans and a polo shirt to lunch where he is showing off his muscles, but I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean really what do I care because he is boring me to death. Now he tells me he is also a CPA but lets one of his sisters run that part of the business. I believe it was at this point he takes a break from eating and leans back in his chair with his hands behind his head viewing his muscular arms in the mirror behind me. How am I supposed to keep from laughing? He continues on telling me about the 150k he has invested in a cousins paving business. I try to change the subject and ask him where he is going on his vacation and he tells me "The Dominican Republic". As he contemplates his trip he is leaving for he thinks (out loud) that maybe he will just buy a home there... It would be a good investment and should be somewhat inexpensive at 150k. Seems everything is 150k hmmmm?
So we finish lunch and leave the restaurant. We get near his car and I gave him an uncomfortable hug and thanked him for lunch. At this point I guess he thinks he is owed something and tries, AGAIN, to kiss me. He asks why I am backing off and I point out that we are on a street corner and this is the first time we have met. He makes a second attempt and I am push him away saying "No, no, no funny guy". I say thanks again for lunch but I have to get back to work.
Well that is one for the blog! But it gets even better!!!!
Recently, I open my email and notice I have mail from him. Oye he is back! The subject line says "Married" but thinking nothing of it I open the email which says:
"This is Arnold's wife. He is married with a three year old son. I just found out that he has been seeing multiple women and lying about himself. I have reported him to Match.com. Please let me know if you have had relations with him. Myself, yourself and my son do not deserve the lies. Please contact me at ______ . His real name is Arnulfo. He is not an attorney. I hope you are as discussed as I am."
OMG!
So I replied:
"Yes I am disgusted! No there were NOT any relations and I was having a hard time believing he was a lawyer.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I wish you luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
Please do not contact me again I will be blocking both email address."

Note to self: Follow your instincts!
And thank goodness I did! I say this goes to show that the freaks don't only come out at night.
That poor woman.

Match Continued…

I guess I need to fill in some of what happened since my last entry.
So I ended up meeting "The Brit" and he was sooooo the perfect gentleman but I was so put off by the initial risqué photo that I really didn't have much of a desire to see him again. I told him his risqué photo put me off and he understood and said guys could do stupid things sometimes. I agreed… however, there wasn't an apology. We did continue to communicate and it became more and more frequently. Yet I still didn't have much desire to see him. I enjoyed our conversations be it via text, email or the rare phone call until one day I logged onto my MSN messenger and we began to chat. His roommate had pissed him off and he was in an evil mood he said and I was to later realize that one had nothing to do with the other. Suddenly I see I have mail and "The Brit" says, " You are a brave girl if you open the email I just sent you. I showed it to others over the weekend and I don't think they were impressed." I open the email and I see that there are two jpegs. I start to scroll down and HOLY CRAP "The Brit" sent photos of his PENIS! So I pretend I didn't see the pics yet and I tell him that I have enjoyed our conversations over the last few weeks and that I see that his email contains photos. I asked him if he was willing to ruin that and if I should scroll down to see the photos. No answer from him. I typed that the prude was going to bed. No more communication there. I enjoy sex as much as the next person but this was ridiculous and over the line.
As usual Red attracts the Freakin Losers and this one was a VP of a technology company. I guess stature doesn't count for much these days.
As for CourtHouse Boy, who asked if I was on Match… I emailed him via Match. I said that my shy side was screaming at me to stop the email but asked if he was interested in having lunch sometime. If not then my name is Red and I'll see ya around the Starbucks. Not only did I get no reply but also when I passed him coming out of Starbucks a few days later he looked the other way and turned his nose. What is going on?
In the middle of all this I met "J" who is sometimes referred to as "Boat Boy" or "Crofton Dude" by a few of my friends. I was nearing the end of my awful move and I really needed something to distract me from my hard work. We had plans to meet at Applebee's in Crofton then hop in his Jeep to go to either Baltimore or Annapolis Harbor. He was going to call me Friday and schedule the time. Well… I never heard from him on Friday. I figured… no biggie but I didn't hear from him on Saturday either. His phone had been stolen so I tried calling the number he last called me from and left a message. I got dressed a few hours later and dropped The Kiddo off at my parents. They asked me if I heard from him and I said no but I was going anyway. This confused Dad, but I explained that I needed to go out and decided to go either way (This is sooo not like me). On my way to Crofton I tried calling the number of the stolen phone this time and he called me back a few minutes later. He asked where I was and I told him I was on Rt. 50 almost to Crofton. He said he had written me off since his computer blew up and the phone was stolen and he had no way to contact me. Sounded like a story to me but I was determined to get out that night. I arrived at the agreed time and waited over 30 minutes but enjoyed flirting with the bartender who bought me a beer. I noticed I had a message on my phone and soon found out I was at the wrong Applebee's. He came to my Applebee's (as he should have) and we had a drink before going to Annapolis. We had a nice time but what a confusing mess. So this seems to be the way with this guy and we have hung out a few times, but I don't foresee any big future with him especially after he stood me up one Sunday.