Burping does not attract quality men

Seven years ago I moved home and became a single Mom. My friend Chrissy dragged me to a party one weekend. Well not really dragged… I was excited to get out… anywhere.

Her friend Mark and his roommates, a married couple, were having a party at their house in Friendship Heights. The three hosts were dressed in sheets, they said it was supposed to be a toga party and realized they must have forgotten to tell people. They were the only ones in togas and could have easily walked upstairs and changed but they seemed to prefer their togas.

I don’t know how it got started but I ended up in a burping contest on the front porch with the hostess, who was in toga. As we were belching our hearts out a crowd grew and I noticed two things. First, burping has become more difficult for me due to age or just being out of practice. Second, the dude sitting on the porch swing at about eye level with my chest… staring intently at my chest as I would heave to produce my burps.

The hostess realized she had met her match and was unable to surpass my talent. She expressed how impressed she was and requested a photo of us together to document her demise. The dude sitting on the porch swing asked for my number. How could I refuse? He just heard (and watched) me do the most un-lady like thing a woman could do and asked for my number. So I obliged.

The dude and I spoke maybe all of twice on the phone. I learned that he wrote for a travel magazine, yet never traveled. I found that very odd but was afraid to ask. It didn't take long to realize what a meek man he was. The best I can figure is maybe he thought I could provide some fun and excitement in his life. What better woman to do that than the one who won the belching contest.

Yeah… Ummmm… I don’t think so.