May 4, 2007

I’m in a funk and you, my lucky readers, are who I’m going to complain to. Part I

Part I: Aloneness and Road Rage

I guess my funk started the other night as I was leaving class. The parking lot had only a few cars but was lit well by the full moon, which had this beautiful aura of hazy colors. The night was quiet and it made me sad because usually I leave class and pick Mini Red up from my parents and take her home and put her to bed. This night I was going home alone because Mini Red was away with her school for Outdoor Ed. It had been a long time since I felt this alone and missed Mini Red this bad. She is off to her Father’s every other weekend and when she is with him for a week I can call her every day and I do. There was no communication while she was at Outdoor Ed and I had to trust these people to take care of her.

I can’t help but remember the day she was born. It was an amazing experience to go through labor. Mini Red came out and they immediately took her to the other side of the room to clean her up and check her out. At that sweet moment she was born and came into this world I felt so alone. I felt her moving for so long inside me and now there was nothing but hollowness and it was sad. It was the saddest moment on the best day of my life.

I'm so glad she is home now I can't hug her enough.

The funk continues as I drove home from work, Thursday, and traffic was horrible. I can definitely get road rageous but it hit me... It’s all about control. We want to be in control of our own lives down to the tiniest part. I figure this is only normal but when you are on the road and you are stuck due to traffic or some other car you are definitely not in control. I’m so tired of being frustrated at these other drivers and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.

It just amazes me the amount of idiots on the road. They come in your lane, take up the whole road, they don’t’ even move when it’s their turn. Oh then there’s the Potomac soccer Moms in their Expeditions that nearly run you over because they are on the phone and no ear piece.

I will still shake my head at all the Special Ed drivers and hopefully they will feel stupid and learn something but I’m not expending any more energy on this. It’s all about control and we all want to be in control but we can’t. We have to learn to let it go only then can we regain control of our own lives.