Deciphering the photos on Match.com

The summer’s over and Mini Red is off at her Dad’s. I did some happy hour time with a few friends Friday in Old Town. I guess these types of weekends are the ones that can make you feel lonely. You know… no one to hang out with. So I found myself perusing Match.com. This is something I could never do again after all the scary dates I got from there.

All these men say such similar things but you can’t help but look at the photo and just move on. The plethora of photos is amazing and no one realizes there is a rule to this type of thing. I see the same thing over and over. Don’t they realize the message they’re sending with these photos?

No Shirt: Please cover it up I would rather find out for myself.

With Kids: You are exploiting your kids or someone else’s. Do you think you’re some politician?

With Women: I don’t want to see every woman you have slept with or not slept with. This just tells me you won’t be real and you're just a player.

With Old People: Ok so these may be your parents or just some old people you rented but again you are exploiting them too and again you're not a politician.

Scenery: WTF? I’m trying to find out what you look like and if we might look good together or even make good looking kids. What is the point of these photos? Does this mean you bring the camera to the bedroom too? Kinky!

With a Group: Which one are you? I guess this means you have lots of friends/family or is it just a cult? Hey your friend is hot maybe you can introduce me to him.

Possessions: Ok so you have a nice Car/Motorcycle/Boat are you trying to use that as a ploy to nab a chick? “Pick me I have money and toys” but do you really have them? I don’t see you in some of these photos either.

Travel shots: This isn’t shutterfly and you don’t need to post ALL your photos from your most recent trip 10 years ago.

Women can be very similar in how they post. I went and checked them out too cause I’m curious as to who is posting out there.

In Bikini: Yeah I know the dudes love this kinda stuff and because they love it this must be why they post themselves shirtless. I think I just screams “I’m horney have sex with me NOW!” Ok so there’s nothing wrong with that but have some tack ladies.

The Poses: This can be comical e.g. the poses that are set up to look natural, the hair flipped and the coy looks, straddling a motorcycle.

Glamour Shots: Hello! You took those ten years ago when you were 50 lbs lighter. When you see that look of surprise on the dude’s face when you meet for the first time it isn’t because you look hot.

With Kids: If a woman poses with kids or more likely a baby it means she wants one bad. Her clock is ticking and she is looking for a clock repair man.

The men and women both posts similarly and because they know if the picture is good then maybe someone will read what they have to say, which is all the same too. “Oh I’ve never done this online thing before”, “I can’t believe I’m doing this” or “I finally decided to try this match thing”.

It’s not easy putting yourself out there for possible ridicule or through awful dates. Kudos for those of you who keep trying online and find something out there, Mini Red’s Dad met his wife on there. I’ve found it’s just not for me.