Lactose Intolerance

Hello my name is Red and I'm Lactose Intolerant (head hangs low in shame). Why you ask? Well if your not lactose intolerant you should understand for your own safety. I didn't understand until I was informed of my… uh um… problem.

What is lactose intolerance?
Lactose intolerance is the inability to digest significant amounts of lactose, the major sugar found in milk. Lactose intolerance is caused by a shortage of the enzyme lactase, which is produced by the cells that line the small intestine. Lactase breaks down milk sugar into two
simpler forms of sugar called glucose and galactose, which are then absorbed into the bloodstream. Not all people deficient in lactase have the symptoms commonly associated with lactose intolerance, but those who do are said to have lactose intolerance.

What are the symptoms of lactose intolerance?
People who do not have enough lactase to digest the amount of lactose they consume may feel very uncomfortable when they digest milk products. Common symptoms, which range from mild to severe, include nausea, cramps, bloating, gas, and diarrhea. Symptoms begin about 30 minutes to 2 hours after eating or drinking foods containing lactose. The severity of symptoms depends on many factors, including the amount of lactose a person can tolerate and a person’s age, ethnicity, and digestion rate.

In other words… If you know someone who is lactose intolerant and you see them eating or drinking dairy then stay way because they are going to FART!
Unless of course... they get the pills and actually take them.

The Rabbit Died

Recently, a good friend lost her rabbit. I called to console her and reminded her what it means when the "Rabbit Dies". I thought she might find this amusing since she and her husband have talked about getting pregnant with their second child.
I mentioned the rabbit died term to several friends who would give me blank stares. "What does it mean when the rabbit dies?" I was amazed that so many people haven't heard this saying. It then came up at the Weekly Family Dinner and even my Dad hadn't heard the saying. Mom and I looked at each other in amazement.
Of course I had to Google.it:

The phrase, "The rabbit died," came to be a euphemism for a positive pregnancy test in the late 1920 and early 1930s. Around 1927 it was discovered that if you injected the urine of a pregnant woman into a rabbit, there would be corpora hemorrhagica in the ovaries of the rabbit. These bulging masses on the ovaries could not be seen with out killing the rabbit to inspect the ovaries, so invariably, every rabbit died, even if the woman wasn't pregnant.

My friend, who lost her rabbit, called me this morning inquiring about my date and then proceeded to tell me "The Rabbit Died!"

The Craigs List Dude!

So I met the Craigs List Dude for coffee on Sunday and it lasted two hours. He walked me to my car and asked me out for Friday night and I said yes. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and we parted ways to finalize Friday's plans during the week.
I wasn't originally attracted to him but I enjoyed his company and he seemed "Real". I sent him a text message that evening while he was at the Nationals game.

"I enjoyed meeting you today. I'm looking forward to Friday. Go Nats!"

I was surprised I never heard anything back but figured no biggie.
Wednesday night I sent him and email asking if we were still on for Friday night since I hadn't heard from him. I figured maybe he was just playing it cool.
Now it's Friday and I still haven't heard. I decided to try a text one more time.

"I will have to assume since I haven't heard back from you that you've changed your mind. That's too bad."

Still... no response.
I find it all very strange that this dude that I've crossed paths with before, but I hadn't been interested in, went to such lengths as to post an ad on Craigs List to meet me. Then to ask me out and then… NOTHING! It's just rude and makes no sense. I wasn't actively searching and suddenly this guy, who seemed nice, drops in my lap and craps all over me. He has a 17-year-old daughter and I tell you I'm sure he would be real pissed off if some guy pulled that crap on her.

They say women are confusing? Go figure. Maybe it's because I cheated that last week of Lent.