I have a secret love crush…

This guy isn’t the normal type of guy I go for. He’s famous and I don’t normally find the famous guys attractive but this dude is intelligent. He's a writer, a chef and has a show on The Travel Channel.

I love that he is well traveled and he has this travel show where he takes you where many have never gone or never will go. There are times he will even get extremely drunk and there are no pretenses about him and loves his cigarettes.

My secret love crush is Anthony (Tony) Bourdain and his show is No Reservations.

I couldn’t even tell you what night his show is on and I just read up on him from Wikipedia and learned a lot about him there. I thought for sure he might be gay but was pleasantly surprised to find out he isn’t.

All I can tell ya is when I catch his show I thoroughly enjoy it because there is something I find incredibly sexy about him. Whatever it is I don’t care I just soak it all up.

What's a shy girl to do?

It’s Friday and I’m all for being comfortable at work. The pants I chose to wear demand a pink shirt so I wore the one I wear most often with these pants. It wasn’t until I got to work that I noticed some slight discoloration and fear I may have a mark on my shirt. I feel like I’m really slumming it today but I’m not gonna worry about it and just gonna get my work done and get the hell outta dodge. I guess I should have worn that low cut pink top instead.

For lunch I ran for some fish and chips at Eamonn’s. I deserve it with all my hard work lately. The young’n who works there remembers me from around town and I caught him lookin but then I remembered this mark on my shirt… Oh well he’s too young for me and these things ain’t got no milk to feed that baby boy. I have to be sure to go back there soon though since there were some yummy dudes patronizing that place.

On my way back I was stuck waiting for the light to change and I noticed him. It was Court House Boy (CHB) crossing over to my corner to wait with me and the rest of the crowd. I have crushed on this dude for years because he is scrumdiddlyfuckinumptious. We've exchanges a few hellos and the obligatory smiles that translate as, “Hey, how ya doing...Buddy?” With my shirt in disarray and the fact that I tend to be a bit on the shy side not-to-mention I have no idea what to say... You know what I did?

I pretended like I didn't see him.

The problem is... It can be difficult to miss me with the red hair and the hot pink shirt with a possible mark on the boob. So I sucked it all in including my chin and acted like everything was normal and as if he weren’t standing to my left (and back a little). What could I say anyhow? “Is this mark on my shirt noticeable? Right here... Near my boob.”

The light changed and I walked ahead doing my best walk possible knowing he might be watching. This was much easier and the back of my shirt doesn’t have any marks… I don’t think. I can’t believe I wore this shirt; it’s going in the trash when I get home.

What else could I have done?

How positive is your thinking? Maybe you need to take the challenge too?

Today a discussion ensued regarding positive thinking. One of my co-workers tends to be a bit negative when it comes to herself and I am often the same way. I like to think of myself as a positive person but again that is different when it comes to me. I think this goes back to “We’re our own worst critic”.

I remember hearing that studies have been done showing that positive thinking can be life changing. So much so that it can help heal you and live a longer life. Google it and you will find a million articles.

Study Verifies Power of Positive Thinking
Optimism and the Immune System
Positive Thinking Can Help You Feel Better, Longer
The Power of Positive Thinking
The Power of Positive Thinking, Psychology Today

In our discussion today I said, “So you start seeing someone and he says something has happened and he can’t talk. He will call you as soon as he can. It was all going so well and you know he is/was into you. Do you hold out hope to hear from him again or write him off? This way if you don’t hear from him then you’re prepared for the worst and protect your heart. If not and you hold out hope and are let down then it’s more difficult to take.”

MB chimed in and said, “Either way you have the chance of being let down so why not be happy during some of that time? If you’re happy then it makes it easier to take the bad.”

Jay’s theory is not that it’s a negative thing it’s just being prepared. She believes there's a fine line between negativity and preparedness.

We have decided to challenge ourselves and invite others to join us. Starting April 15th we begin the month long Positive Thinking Challenge.

We are going to make great efforts not to have the negative thoughts and really concentrate on the positive. We want to see how changing our thought patterns influence our lives.

The hardest part might first be recognizing those negative thoughts.

I mentioned this to Trish back at the office and she loved the idea. All of us briefly discussed that we needed to set up parameters for ourselves or rather consequences for negative thoughts to encourage the positive. We soon realized we were being negative and instead of consequences we need to reward ourselves for the positive.

I don’t think parameters or rewards can be generalized for everyone. For me I have decided to put aside a dollar for every time I turn a negative thought around. After May 15th I will take that money and buy Trish lunch. Why? Because she suggested it.

So who wants to join us in this quest for a month? It could possibly change your life.

How did you get your green on?

What a day! I didn’t think I would be doing much but Shortie contacted me and said she and her Dude were heading to The Big Jig. Wahoo! I’m in! I should be since I wore a big sticker on my ass promoting the Big Jig last weekend at the Shamrock Festival.

But first I met up with Nicole for a coffee. I hadn’t seen her in so long and she seemed happier than I had seen her in a long time. She’s gonna be in town for two weeks and I’m so happy to see her.

I finished up a load of laundry before heading out to meet up with Shortie and her Dude. The venue was smaller than I had expected and she was quick to point out the mud and suggested I roll up my pants. I got my beer and the three of us headed up front in preparation for Scythian to play again.

It wasn’t long before Scythain got going and some young chickies pushed their way in front of us. No biggie but I believe they had more to drink than I did at this point and they were jumping up and down. I pretty much had my hand in the little bitch’s back trying to keep her off my toes. I do understand the venue and expected crowds but she had a ton of room in front of her. Maybe I’m getting too old for this? Hahahaha.

They started throwing stuff out and I raised my arm and, evidently, smacked her upside the head with my elbow (the good one). Hahahaha I have to laugh at this cause I think she got mad and really was trying to jump on my toes at this point. So I turned around and pushed my ass her way to help her keep her distance.

Soon they were all jumping all around us now and it wasn’t long before a cup of Guinness got thrown in the air and landed mostly on Shortie. HAHAHAHAHAHA

I’m sorry for laughing Shortie but you know it was funny. This was when Shortie’s Dude said, “Lets move out”. Smart boy cause Shortie and I weren’t getting along with these kiddies. So we moved out got Shortie cleaned up and got another beer. We found another spot in the back and had a blast shaking it all up. The people around us were hilarious.

There was a couple in front of us that just couldn’t keep their hands off each other’s butts. Then there was the dude that took to rolling up his pants to a new height and of course the best was the dude with the green Goatee.

So we shook our toucases and drank a good amount of beer… At least I did. So once I get a few beers in me then I tend to be bold enough to go up to people and ask to take their pictures. There was this stage hand who had some really cool eyes (contacts) and piercings. He looked kind of scary but I knew I could get Shortie to help. This is like the Shamrock Fest where I would have never approached the Mohawk dude but I had a few beers. I have also realized that life is short and I don’t want to regret something as cool as this dude that I could bring to you.

Anyhow, Shortie and I are wandering around while Scythian is on a break. We saw the green-eyed stage-hand but he disappeared. As we rounded to head back into the tent we bump into Leks! Ahhhh. Amazingly Shortie and I were quick on our feet and I threw her my camera and grabbed him for a photo, which seemed fine with him. I told him I loved his crazy hair today. He said he like the color of mine and we were off on our separate ways.

I was tickled to say the least and now I was more ready to get that photo with the Green-Eyed dude. We headed back out of the tent and around and who should we see next… JOE! I completely interrupted his conversation to ask about his stage hand and ask for a photo with him too. Cool!
Joe pointed us back around into the tent to find the green-eyed guy. Thank goodness for Shortie cause I would have missed him. Shortie’s Dude showed up outta nowhere and offered to take the photo so Shortie could get in it too.
Well, we were about done there and we had gotten our drink on pretty good as well as the photos we wanted. We were hungry so we walked towards Fado’s but it looked crowded. I suggested the inexpensive Fuddruckers and all were up for that.

Fuddruckers was a crazy mad house so I’m glad I was in the state I was in or it might have made me a bit crazy. That food was soooo good and after a Lenten Friday I had a hankering for some meat.

I figured after Fuddruckers Shortie and her Dude were heading home and I was heading to meet up with Texpundit and other bloggers. To my very pleasant surprise Shortie was coming with me and her Dude headed home. I didn’t really know where I was going so I was glad Shortie was coming with me.

We hopped on the Metro and headed to Union Station knowing the Dubliner was only a block away but who knows which direction. I hadn’t been to Union Station in years but Shortie seemed to know her way around and got us to the Dubliner in no time.

The line was long but moved quickly. I had no idea what Tex looked like but I knew Scarlett. We didn’t see her anywhere and we searched the whole place. We even went upstairs and as we were looking around a horrible smell wafted through the air. Some freakish dude asked if I shit my pants. I told him I thought it was him and grabbed Shortie and got out of there cause that was some awful smelling shit. Uggggggh.

We never did find Tex and Scarlett and finally heard from him that he had left. Before we left we met Kimberly who was complimenting my hair. Shortie got a photo of Kimberly, her friend and I and I told her I would post it here. It doesn’t do any of us justice but you are an awesome chick Kimberly.
We had an awesome time and here I expected to not even leave my apartment this weekend. I love when things come up out of the blue and those are often some of the best experiences.

My day ended by chatting via IM with a friend I hadn’t talked to in a long time. Thanks Smith!

You can see all the photos on Flickr.

Oye! It has been a very disappointing week... So far

Thank goodness I had the Shamrock Festival in the middle of it all, but...

I just don’t get you boys.

Taxes... Enuf said!

Driving in DC.

My Spring Break day was disappointing and Mini Red is now in big doo doo trouble. She's kissing my butt right now trying to get out of her punishment.

With all my frustrations, lately, today was unusual at work. I was the happy-go-lucky positive one. I guess someone had to be. Tomorrow I'm dragging my co-workers on a field trip. We are gettin' a free coffee at Starbucks. I hope they know where one is.

Ok here is another positive... Brother-Man and SIL announced the name they have chosen for the baby at our weekly Family Dinner. They are naming him after my Dad. The look on Dad's face was priceless!

I’m sure it will be better tomorrow after a run with Mrs. M. A good run always helps. Oh crap! I hope it doesn't rain.

If all else fails then I will hang with the Fam and we will get our drink on celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the beach... In the cold... And the rain.

OK, OK, OK I know! I can get some sleep this weekend.

Much better now.

Wanna peek? Sure ya do!

I know I know there has been a lack of posts from your truly. I’ve heard it from a few of you and I find that a bit amusing.

Justin, who I haven’t spoken to in about a month, called to see if I was ok.

Google Boy called and said “No posts in 6 days! Is this correct? I want to make sure I’m not missing anything.”

I even got an email from Elvis asking what’s up with the dating scene especially after this post. He said he would be my cheerleading section:

She's sexy, she's cute,
She's popular to boot.
She's bitchin', great hair,
The boys all love to stare,
She's wanted, she's hot,
She's everything GSA feds are not.

As for you curious folks… No, I did not hear from DM but I didn’t expect to. Steps have been taken in the dating arena but that is not to be revealed for fear of being jinxed.

This life of mine has so many roles and keeping me very busy especially of late.

Work is very busy and no time to even check out any blogs during the day let alone post. It doesn’t help that I’m on site and only have dial up for internet. On-site we are in a room with no windows on the bottom floor. Because of the tight security we have to be escorted anywhere we go in the building so we just stay in this room until we leave. We are, thank goodness, allowed to go to the bathroom unescorted. I have come to the conclusion that women come from all parts of the building to our out-of-the-way bathroom to unleash the dead within them. Each day I am able to hold my breath longer and longer.

Class is five hours every Tuesday evening. Two hours lecture and three hours lab but the time flies and I’m loving it. We recently learned to repair/restore old or damaged photos and colorization.

As a Single Mom Mini Red keeps me busy. She has swimming twice a week and then there are the various activities such as her concerts. Going to the concerts can be pain not only because I don’t know many of the other parents but I often sit alone or even worse with Mini Red’s father (ugggh), his wife and various other family members of his. I love to listen to Mini Red play but these events get PACKED and are enough to make anyone claustrophobic. I would do anything for Mini Red and thankfully my family tries their best to be there for not only Mini Red but me.

Wednesday is Family Dinner Night. Brotha-Man, SIL, Sis and sometimes… Hmmmm he needs a name. I’m talking about Sis’s boyfriend... Let’s call him Chase. Haha it’s done you finally have a name here. So as I was saying we all go over to the Folks for dinner every Wednesday after work. We catch up on what everyone is up to and sometimes other family members join us like Aunts and Uncles. These nights have become more fun each week and bring us all closer. We love seeing SIL’s pregnant belly growing on her tiny frame. Mini Red will play her violin and more recently I have been sharing what I have been producing in my class. My big night was when Chase found me in Wa Po Express (print edition pg 36) and brought a copy for me. I think Dad got a kick out of it or at least I did watching him read it.

Then there is the one night I run. Mrs. M and I alternate meeting at each others homes and we run different routes each time. This has at times been difficult but we motivate each other. We miss every so often due to weather or illness but try to make it up. We not only get some exercise but there are other benefits like exploring the neighborhoods around us and getting time to talk away from the craziness that is our lives.

So there you have a peek into my crazy weekdays and why I might be tired. You know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Mice chased us to Happy Hour where we escaped Hawaii, met Dave Matthews and now might be on our way to Alaska

Thursday and Friday I was in the office for a Train the Trainer course. I wasn’t real excited about being in the office after being on site for so long, but primarily because of the mice issue. Yes, I said mice. Yuck!

The hotel across the street is undergoing major construction and the theory is it has run the mice over to our building. At first we thought it was just our office but it is all over our building with the fifth floor seemingly getting a rather large population.

The mice droppings hit the fan about a week ago when a mouse bravely walked across a co-workers desk as she was working. Ewwwwwwwwwww! The exterminator came, laid down the sticky traps that would entice the mice out, which hasn’t been a problem, and said he would be back the next morning to get what was captured. Well the mice started coming out and running all over the place but weren't sticking.

Thursday morning one of the guys went to make coffee and when he opened the coffee drawer there was a mouse looking up at him. Evidently, he did a very masculine man-scream and Shortie saved him and captured the mouse, which she released in a dumpster behind the restaurant down stairs.

So the training room seemed to be somewhat of a safe haven due to its location and it’s a freaking freezer box. When I worked at my desk I was still freezing but I wasn’t going to complain. I didn’t even try to mess with the heater because if it was cold then hopefully it might keep the mice away. The thought of even seeing a mouse just heebeegeebeed me out but it was another excuse to wear the boots.

Fumigating was to commence at 5pm so a number of us took that as a cue to get to Happy Hour as soon as possible. The go-to place was Bistro Europa. I had passed it before but never been there but I followed the troops. The name did not describe the place at all and I would not have expected them to have a pool room.

There were eight of us and WW was the only dude and I think he was digging that. The majority of our group disappeared before the bar started picking up, but WW, Liz and I hung in there. WW was finally playing pool against some worthy opponents and Liz and I were taking in the sights.

WW had stopped playing pool and the three of us were in conversation when I noticed this dude getting closer and closer trying to read our company name off WW’s shirt. He pushed his way in saying he had heard of our company. WW and Liz were very excited about this but I just stayed back because something was fishy here. At first Liz thought he said his name was Mahalo so that is what we will call him here.

At first we thought Mahalo was trying to get close to Liz but then he moved in my direction. I was the only one who hadn’t given my name but I was the only one who had been to Hawaii where he was from so a discussion ensued. When a pool player asked Mahalo to move so he could play Mahalo didn’t move to the side as one would expect but, evidently, grabbed WW’s knee and moved in. This is when WW put his arm around me and moved closer. When the hint wasn’t taken we decided to get out of the pool table area primarily to get away from Mahalo.

The three of us got separated but Liz and I met up and we saw WW at the bar and Mahalo found him. We didn’t know if we needed to save WW but figured if he needed help he would let us know so we could come running and throw a boob in there and break it up. On the other hand they could very well be talking business.

Liz and I were able to procure a table and sat back waiting anxiously for WW to break free or just ready to save him. Finally, WW got away but he never saw us right there behind him. Liz ran to grab him and this cute guy at the next table immediately turned around and we started talking. Ok no one was going anywhere at this point because Red had the attention of this Dave Matthews look-a-like. We got pulled into his group of friends who had gathered with another table. It was a great eclectic group and this dude, who we'll call DM, said he would introduce me but he didn’t know most of these people’s names.

People moved around and I got to hear about the fingerprints WW had on his ass from Mahalo. I told him he needed to throw out the help signal next time because Liz or I could have very well alleviated the situation if he was uncomfortable. As WW and I were talking this big dude took DM’s seat to talk to Liz and the next thing WW and I hear is, “The size of my penis…” WW hopped up to interject and protect Liz.

Meanwhile I notice DM sitting two seats over and I’m left wondering if he’s even interested. I decided I better get my number ready because since he mentioned leaving soon. He gets up to leave and I hugged him and handed him my number. WW, Liz and I left soon after since it was about 1am at this point.

On the way out I mentioned I handed over my number but also I wasn’t sure if he was going to even ask for it. WW said just the right thing, “Guys can get intimidated by beautiful women and be afraid to ask. It’s good you gave it to him because he was a good looking guy. We are going to have so much fun when we have to travel to Alaska.”

My response was a bit mixed with delight at WW’s theory on DM but shocked at this mention of traveling to ALASKA! “What!”

Liz says, “WW, you didn’t tell her?”

I think I had this shocked look on my face as I said, “ALASKA?!”

WW says, “Lots of men there for you! We’ll talk about it next week. Bye!”

Yeah, I’m not sure what to think about that one.

Valentine's Day and a Dude Review

Tonight I took my Valentine, Mini Red, out to dinner. We went into Bethesda and ate at Rock Bottom. She tried to pull a fast one and ordered a Mountain Dew, but I nixed that one real quick. I don’t need her all spazed out on the Dew.

Eating at Rock Bottom reminded me of a match.com date I had a few years ago. Bob seemed like an all-American type guy. We met up at the bar and from the git he couldn’t stop staring at my chest. There's a large mirror behind the bar and he would stare at my chest from there but wouldn’t turn and face me directly. So I got a bit of the heebeegeebees going on but it had only been approximately 15 minutes and you can’t make a decision on a person in that short of a time.

We decided to get a bite to eat so we moved to a table in the restaurant area. As soon as we sat down he would look down at the table rather than face me. What the doofus didn’t realize is I could see his eyeballs even though he couldn’t see mine but he could see my chest and stared at it non-stop through dinner.

I had finished my meal but not my beer and excused myself to the restroom. When I got back to the table it was cleared and he wasn’t there but he appeared moments after me.

The doofus had followed me to the restroom for fear I was ditching him and I guess the waiter thought we left so he cleared the table. I was done with this date at this point but I continued to be the nice person I always try to be and prayed this would be over soon.

We walked out of the restaurant and suddenly his arms were around me asking where we could go next. I guess he thought if he made it through dinner then he could touch. I told him I had to go, thanked him and started walking home.

He was so odd I feared he might follow me. In my mind I still think of him as “Bab the smarmy sales dude who acted as if he had never seen breasts before.”

This is one of the awful dates that have led to my absence from the dating scene or rather mistrust of you fellows. My friends are becoming concerned and one has even made it his New Year resolution to get me a date. Another friend said I was just demagnetizing from all the bad/scary dates.

It has been suggested that I do some chasing of boys. My experience has proved this to be disastrous on several occasions. I believe it's obvious when I'm interested but I could be wrong. It's difficult to put yourself out there and show interest not knowing if that interest is reciprocated. I have even put it out there when it was reciprocated and then they change their mind.

I admit I can be a bit picky, as some put it. I'm also not gonna fight for one of you dudes especially if another woman is involved. You know who you want and if it’s me then you'll do what it takes to show me that you want me and keep me. I don't want some man that’s wishy washy or full of drama.

They say women are difficult to figure out and I agree they can be but you dudes are just as difficult.

Bryan Adams seems to have gotten this down pat, which is evident by this song:

What's in a word when the word is Love

I was seventeen and I had been dating my first boyfriend for a few months when one night we were sitting in his car outside my house.

Then he said it… "I Love You".

What did I say in return??? "Oh… That's nice."

To say I love you to someone is HUGE but so many seem to use it as a boomerang. They need to hear it so bad that they throw it out there for it to come back. I never did use the word love with that boy and we broke up soon after.

When I was 19 I met my ex and he said "I Love You" within the first week. I didn't feel it but said it back for fear of losing him. What can I say… I was young and stupid. We married and "I Love You" was said all the time but it became more of an obligation than a reflection of our feelings. Every time we got off the phone we would say "I Love You" more out of habit than anything else.

Since leaving my ex I have not used this word with any man. Mini Red hears it all the time but I don't say it to just say it but I express it to her. I do my best to express how much I love her every night before she goes to sleep. I use it with my family but sparingly because we know we love each other and that is just how the fam has always been. When my Mom says it to me she knows I need it.

I have some great friends but only a few I used the L word with. We tell each other when we know the other one needs it and it isn't flaunted around because that would just be odd.

Today was a dreary, tiring day and the drive home was torturous but it's my one night to meet up with Mrs. M and run. We have committed ourselves and want to cancel every week but we don't want to let the other down so we haven't missed one yet. Our runs have gotten so much better and it's a great time for us to get together because women need their friendships as well as exercise.

So after another great run with Mrs. M I get in my car to find a message from Ra. We have both been busy so we've been missing each other. She left me a message and ended it with an "I Love Ya". That was amazing! It may have been a tiring, dreary day but she didn't know that and it wasn't particularly tumultuous BUT I so needed that. If it was said all the time then it wouldn't have meant as much as it did when I heard it tonight.

Odd boys are coming out of the woodwork today

My cell rings and I answered without looking… Oh Shit! It's Gingivitis Kiss and he tells me he's in town later this week and can we meet up. I said, "Oh… I'm not sure. I'll have to let you know". So we chit-chat about work and another call is coming in. I tell him I have to get this other call. Phew, saved!

When I answer I'm surprised to hear its Shorty! WTF!?!? I haven't talked to him in almost two years. The last time I saw him was after some emails about how he's been evaluating his life, thinking about me and something about settling down? So he joins me at an office Happy Hour and we leave and things happen and he says maybe we can see each other once a month. WTF?!?! I said, "No we've been down that road before. This was a mistake and never call me again." I guess this translates as, "Call me in two years" in boy speak? So today he calls to see how I am and thank me for the references I have given him now that he has started his own company. There was awkward chit-chat and he says he will call again soon. I'm not holding my breath.

I get off the phone and log into my email to find an email from The Brit! WTF?!?! Something about his new image and yadda yadda something about being punk. There's a photo attached and I'm nervous to look but I slowly scrolled down and over. The first thing I see is a t-shirt that says "CHICKS HATE ME!" I scrolled up a bit to see he has green hair. I nearly fell outta my chair I was laughing so hard.

For a chick that hasn't had a date in quite some time I find it interesting that I'm contacted by three of these duds, I mean dudes, in all of 10 minutes. Is there a full moon tonight?

What’s in a Name?

For years I have use the names Dude and Chick to address people. Lately I have picked up Sista and Brotha, especially when I drive, e.g. “Let’s move along Brotha” or “Get off the phone Sista and pay attention to the road”. For some reason this keeps my road rage down.

When I ran a help desk at the Pentagon I got to know the people and I often called them Dude, unless I gave them a nickname. One man said I couldn’t call him “Dude”. When I asked why he said because he was too old to be referred to as Dude. So I started calling him “Mr. Dude”. I don’t think he liked this much either. Another guy called me so often for help and always sounded like he was whining so I named him “Waa waa”. It wasn’t long before he would call and say, “Red, this is Waa waa and I need your help.”

I realized it was rare that I used a person’s given name. So when a friend and I were discussing the fact that she never heard me say my ex’s name it hit me. If I said his name it would validate his existence. It must be a subconscious thing… go figure.

Maybe this was why I gave guys/dates nicknames. That when friends would say he was doomed since he would already have a nickname. There were the few rare cases I would mention a guy and he wouldn’t have a nickname. A few of the nicknames I gave were: The Cowboy, Boat Boy, The Brit, Hitt-Man, and Focker.

I started noticing how much I DIDN’T use people names. If I meet someone new I rarely use their name but once I do then I realize I’m comfortable with them and my psyche allows me to comfortably use their name.

I rarely use Mini Red’s friends’ names. I will call them things like Chiquita Banana or Little Mama. This has caused problems because it has become difficult for me to remember her classmate’s names let alone their parents’ names. I don’t think I can get away with calling other parents Dude, Chick, Brotha or even Sista.

Emails I tend to do a bit better but not always.

I’ve been working on using people’s names right off the bat and I’m making progress slowly but surely. So if I have given you a nickname, and you are not a possible date, this is a good thing. If I use your given name I’m comfortable with you and that means I validate your existence.

Now... If I've given you a nickname on the blog then that's a different story. I'm just protecting you and whatever silly thing you've done to warrant me writing about you. (just kidding)

I mean really…. What are they thinking?

I’m talking about men.

Last December I met a guy as my Match subscription expired… Croatian Boy!

We went out here and there and he would stop by work to see me and that was nice. BUT we never had a real date and there were some odd things, e.g. he would not look at me and he was always looking all around. He said it was a habit from when he was younger when he had to always keep an eye out. Yeah... I don’t know either.

I figured no one was perfect but then it really bothered me when he showed up to see me and I swear he smelled like pussy. Did this dude just have sex with some chick then come see me? Well I backed off and told him this wasn't working but he was able to get back in my good graces and asked for one more chance. I told him he had to take me on a real date and we made a date for the next Friday.

That week he started complaining of a sore throat and not feeling well and it seemed he didn’t want to do much to take care of himself or to even feel better in time for our date. It was as if he was building this up for some excuse. That was nothing compared to what happened that Thursday. My new car, of less than three weeks, was rear-ended. I LOVE this car and I was devastated. I told him, flat out, that I needed to have a good night on our date.

The next day I had to take the car to a body shop and I got a nasty smelling rental. I was not a happy camper but I was looking forward to my date. By the time he showed up at my place I was starving, but the first thing he told me was that he wasn’t hungry. So we headed out to the movie that I had already seen but he was set on seeing this movie. I had coupons for the theater and as we got up to the register he never pulled out his wallet so I paid. At least I had coupons. At this point I was irritated and my back was starting to feel bad, due to the accident.

I went to get myself some popcorn and as I was paying he walked up and said, “I have four dollars if you need it.”

"Ummmm No!"

We had plans to spend the next day together but I suggested we cancel because he had been feeling bad. This worked for him and I’m sure he felt fine but had other plans. I just wanted to get away from him.

I was so irritated I couldn't get a real date from someone I had been seeing. My retaliation was a bit juvenile, but I was irritated at the stupidity of men, especially, this one. He wanted me pass out his business cards since he was new to mortgage sales. I took the cards I had and wrote LIAR and SELFISH in big black marker and mailed them back to him.

So tonight Mini Red and I are watching Nanny McPhee and I got a text message;

“Hey Girl. How have u been? I was just thinking about ya.”

I text back: “Who is this”, but I had a good idea who it was.

Croatian Boy: “The guy who lives in old town. The one who screwed up. Remember now?”

Red: “Thought so. Yeah you did screw up.”

Croatian Boy: “I know. I am a dumbass. So how are you? Still work near me?”

Red: “You were awful to me at a very bad time. Plus you smelled like pussy once when you came to see me at work.”

Croatian Boy: Pussy? How does that smell? I was not with anyone else. That I promise you. And I know I was an ass when u needed me. I am sorry. And how does pussy smell?

Red: Like you just had sex! Why are you contacting me? Sex?

Croatian Boy: I didn’t just have sex. I swear. And no this is no booty call. I don’t think you are that way. I wanted 2 say hello. And sorry.

I’m not going to even bother to continue this conversation. Actually, I was surprised he sent another text after I said he smelled like pussy/sex.

What cojones?

So I tried Speed Dating...

Ok so I have been in a serious dating rut. I believe this is because I'm tired of the crap, past bad dates and just don't want to deal with it. But then again I would love to find someone to hang out with... etal.

So I have decided to try and put myself out there and give speed dating a try.

I was telling TOG (The Old Guy) about it this morning and he was shocked. He had never heard of such a thing. I explained that for me it was like two or three years worth of dating in one night and less money. I went on to tell him how the whole thing worked and they had age bracket for each session. TOG said, "What? 8-80, blind, cripple or crazy. All are welcome?" I laughed so hard it almost made me snort.

So tonight I went to a Singles Pizza Party. Woohoo!

Online it says:
Come spend and evening getting to know Metro DC's most desirable singles for a night of laughs and good times. See for yourself...Don't miss out on meeting that special someone. They're wanting to meet you! Pizza will be on us!

Space is limited. So sign up now!

And check out that photo. The Beautiful People! Definitely not this group.

I arrived early and seriously thought about turning around and leaving but I didn't. Yeah me! I walk in and sign in and suddenly everyone I had been trying to call is calling me back. Slut says, "Your doing speed dating?" He quickly turns it around and says, "Hey that sounds like fun. Just act like me!"

So there are 11 Dudes and 11 Chicks, but two men and one woman were a no show. We all had numbers with our names and each table was numbered and had a green folder and a yellow folder. We were told to find our table matching our number and the women sit at the yellow folder and the men sit at the green.

I was number 11 and I was sitting by myself. Finally Mr. #11 walked in and looked as if he didn't want to sit at my table. We chatted as they gave us our instructions. After five minutes they ring the bell once and this is your 1 minute warning. After a minute they ring the bell twice and the dudes move up a number to the next chick.

First things first. "Yuengling please!"

#11 is a very nice guy, has his own business and is always working not-to-mention he is shy. Oh and he is a local.

Next round I was skipped due to lack of males.

#7 Also nice (they were all nice). Extremely weak handshake and wearing suspenders. Oye! Where is that double ding?

#8 is a really fun guy, I really enjoyed talking to him and we had fun but he's the size of my right leg.

#6 was cool. He talked about scuba diving and he is certified. Asked me if I was and I said "Nope, just certifiable." I don't think he got it. We are both local to the area and he was surprised I knew of Harris Crab House. I figured everyone knew of Harris but he said no and he bet me a beer that none of the other women would have heard of it.

I was skipped again. "Yuengling please! Oh and a water. Boy, it's hot in here"

#4 was odd. The hair was obviously dyed, and he shook. I wasn't sure if it was something like parkinsons or if he was nervous. So I just let him talk and that seemed to please him. When the bell double dinged and the pizza was there he bolted.

So it's break time and the pizza is there. I grab a slice along with my next beer and copped a squat back at my #11 table. #7 soon joined me. Joy! I finish up and run to the ladies room to freshen up. I get back to find #9 at my table.

#9 seemed a bit nervous he wouldn't get his full time since I was a bit late. No worries they haven't officially started yet. He turns out to be a nice guy who is into kayaking. When I mention I'm a Mom he asks if this is a theme for tonight since there are three others. He quickly turns it around telling me how impressed he is by single moms and how hard we work. I get the distinct impression he is blowing smoke up my ass.

#2 was nice and I enjoyed talking to him but he was definitely not my type. We talked about biking since I have been looking to purchase and he gave me some great bike purchasing advice.

#1 is newly divorced and had the lines lined up... LITERALLY! And the "If you pick me…" was said several times. He will make me laugh because he will just be himself and he is a funny charming guy… so he tells me. That's if I… pick him. I told him my theory on divorced people having a harder time meeting someone because no matter how bad the marriage was there was a comfort zone. Many divorced people want to be in that comfort zone but with someone better. So they sometimes act too quickly and rush relationships. His reply was a joke and "If you pick me…"

So the night is over and #10 realizes he didn't get to sit with me so we chat as they give instructions. All I got was he lives in Columbia. Sorry guy.

I reminded #6 of our bet and he tracked down the other three single moms. He introduced me and none of them had heard of Harris Crab House or even Kent Island for that matter. He tells me my bill is getting bigger for the beers I owe him and he goes back inside. The ladies and I chat and I now have some new friends. We noticed a few of the guys at the bar inside and we decided to walk each other out.

Interesting evening but I don't think I will be doing this again. I've decided that men that go to these things are not the type of men I want to meet.

**I did mark down one dude that I wouldn't mind getting contacted by. We'll see???

Blatant, Absolutely Blatant

As I was standing outside my office building waiting for co-workers for our Friday Chicken Pad Thai lunch, I see them and they are crossing the street towards me. A man walks up from behind and stops next to me. He turns and BLATANTLY checks me out from head to toe and walks on.

I asked my co-workers if they saw that and all but Adam looked dumfounded. Adam just starts laughing at how blatantly this man just checked me out and mimicked the scene for the others.

I don't know if I should feel flattered or taken advantage of?

Eligible Billionaires

Oh oh oh! Now here is an article for me… The world's most eligible billionaires or better yet… for Anna Nicole Smith. When I saw this on MSN.com I had to check it out. Forget online dating… you just have to know where to look. So they are supplying us with a shopping list of Billionaire Bachelors.
First thing is The Location:

"The best place to find unattached billionaires is in the U.S. The West Coast"

The Strategy:

"In some cases, you can find more than one eligible single in the same family."
"Royalty is another smart bet."

The Downside:

"Billionaires can also come with their own unique set of baggage."
"You should also watch out for those already tied up with supermodel friends"

Alrighty then, this article hasn't been very helpful. I can't move to the West Coast, at least for right now. I was hoping for more of a spreadsheet type list of the billionaires including location, social status, e.g. never married, divorced, how many kids etc. Their likes and dislikes, e.g. will settle for nothing less than a beautiful Red Head from the East Coast.

Hot Young'un

Since I have been PMSing, and I was stood up by a loser last week… it's a bit difficult not to be a little down.
So Friday night I hung out with some friends since I didn't have a date. On the way home we stopped to see some other friends. These friends had a Hot Young'un amongst them. I find out on Saturday that the Hot Young'un asked about me and several times to boot.
I said, " What is he… 5?"
And the response was "No… He's 24"
Again, I replied, "Like I said 5."
Now it's Sunday and I hear that my friend bumped into the Hot Young'un again. As they are about to part Hot Young'un says "I shouldn't tell you this but last night as I was having sex with my girlfriend… and all I could think of was the Redhead".

Can I tell you how I SOOOO needed to hear something this?!?!

The Craigs List Dude!

So I met the Craigs List Dude for coffee on Sunday and it lasted two hours. He walked me to my car and asked me out for Friday night and I said yes. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and we parted ways to finalize Friday's plans during the week.
I wasn't originally attracted to him but I enjoyed his company and he seemed "Real". I sent him a text message that evening while he was at the Nationals game.

"I enjoyed meeting you today. I'm looking forward to Friday. Go Nats!"

I was surprised I never heard anything back but figured no biggie.
Wednesday night I sent him and email asking if we were still on for Friday night since I hadn't heard from him. I figured maybe he was just playing it cool.
Now it's Friday and I still haven't heard. I decided to try a text one more time.

"I will have to assume since I haven't heard back from you that you've changed your mind. That's too bad."

Still... no response.
I find it all very strange that this dude that I've crossed paths with before, but I hadn't been interested in, went to such lengths as to post an ad on Craigs List to meet me. Then to ask me out and then… NOTHING! It's just rude and makes no sense. I wasn't actively searching and suddenly this guy, who seemed nice, drops in my lap and craps all over me. He has a 17-year-old daughter and I tell you I'm sure he would be real pissed off if some guy pulled that crap on her.

They say women are confusing? Go figure. Maybe it's because I cheated that last week of Lent.

I've been Craiglisted!

"Safeway Kensington MD Single Mom Beautiful Woman - m4w"

"I saw you in the store with your daughter. Beautiful smile and incredible red hair. (Mom and daughter, same hair) we have chatted on line once before. I would be blown away if given a chance to sit across from you and share some conversation, laughter, smiles, and a cup of coffee.

I am a single Dad that lives in Kensington as well. Please reach out and contact me!!"

How flattering!

I emailed my sister and included the link. She replied:

"oh my gosh!
do you know who this is?
thats funny....and slighty scary too
you gonna call him?
people are WATCHING you!"

Another friend said,

Great! Lent is over so you can date!

The Gingivitis Kiss

After three years he [insert nickname here] finally got it right and called me a week in advance to see if I would like to join him for dinner when he's in town. He asked if this was enough time to get a babysitter and I told him "Definitely".

I'm so excited! Someone is taking me out… I don't have to pay! Wow! I couldn't tell you the last time I was taken out to dinner by anyone, except my parents. Don't get me wrong I'm not out to get a free meal… it's just the chivalry thing is such a turn on.

Mini recap on some recent dates:
Croatian Boy: Line "See I have big hands", and on his last chance date I had to pay for the movie and my dinner was popcorn, that I paid for, because he wasn't hungry.
Boat Boy: Looks like a monkey, walks like a bulldog. Big muscles, nice body but he is the high school football player that never made it big and he is still playing that football card and it's 20 years later. He is in search of a sugar momma that will give him everything including a ton of attention.

I couldn't remember what he [insert nickname here] looks like. Can't be that bad or I would have remembered from the first time we met. We bump into each other on site and I search his face trying to recognize him but I think I must have blanked him out. I'm a little worried but I know that personality is the most important thing. I'm not considering dinner to be a date but I'm not sure after our rendezvous at work and the way he looked at me.

We meet for a drink and decide to head down the street for a seafood dinner. He said he wanted seafood and I told him we could go to the Chart House, which is on the water, or the Fish Market, a little less expensive. He says, "Whichever is more romantic". So at this point I guess this IS a date and a first date at that and he is talking romance? Hmm I'm not sure if he is kidding or not… I don't think he is.

We go to The Chart House and they sit us in a very romantic spot next to a fire with a great view of the water. This is making me a bit uneasy so I become Chatty Cathy. I apologize for it as he compliments my eyes and tells me he's enjoying learning more about me. Eeewwww! I think this isn't going so well for me but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. I was talking about a movie I had seen recently, "The 40 Year Old Virgin". With this he says, "Well I'm a 39 year old virgin". OMG! I don't think he is kidding on this one either. I don't know what to say to this except "I was wondering how old you are?"

As we head back he asks to hold my hand… sure why not? He held on for dear life and I lost some feeling in my fingers. It must have looked like two pre-teens walking down the street holding hands looking very awkward and uncomfortable. He walks me to my car, which I love showing off. As I turn around he is right there and he plants a huge wet juicy kiss on me and here comes the tongue. It becomes a tongue war to keep his out of my mouth. He backs off for a breath and a huge piece of slobber is keeping us attached. So he comes back at me to reclaim his slobber, which I will gladly give back but it turns into another tongue war. Whew, he finally backs off; maybe my pushing him away gave him a hint. I pointed him in the direction of the elevator and hopped in the car for my escape. Oye! I feel nosh! That was disgusting!

You must be saying how stupid I am. With all my bad dates why am I not recognizing this as going bad, downhill, a big POOP! I don't understand it myself. When I think back through the date it is plain as the nose on my face but while in it I guess I keep thinking, "Come on dude! You Can Do IT!"

Pick Up Line Of The Day

I once ran a help desk and a few of the clients still call me from time to time for help. I got a phone call today from a client that I have only spoke to on the phone.

He says to me,

"I quit my job last week because I won the Lottery. You have to go out with me now."

"No, it's not about the money."

"Then what is it about and how can I get you to go out with me?"

"I'm not sure how to explain what it's about but if I figure it out I will
let you know."